Yes, another one!!!

Another ohnosecond, just one day after the last one.

Repeat after me.

Before swinging away madly with the hedge clippers I will remember, I WILL remember that I carefully threaded a hosepipe deep through the hedge so I wouldn't cut it in half with the hedge clippers.

Not deep enough though!! Now I have two hosepipes, created in an ohnosecond, and both of lesser utility than the original. This was a bit of an embuggerance in the watering this morning.

On which theme I should share with you a new German verb I've invented - to offgebugger - usually deployed around going-home time with a cheery cry of "Right then, ich bin offgebuggeren".

The Ohnosecond

Are you familiar with the Ohnosecond? The smallest imaginable, indeed the smallest conceivable, unit of time. And remarkably uniform too. It's always (this never varies) the time between you realising you've done something and realising you really shouldn't have done it.

In my case it was hoeing straight through one of only three outdoor cucumber plants. I console myself that it was the puniest of the three (which isn't saying much; they'd all get sand kicked in their faces by Mr Gherkin, himself not the largest of cucumbers). But it was irritating and a classic Ohnosecond.

So what else is going on? Massive weeding, that's what.

See Janet, look at the tidy beans. See John, look at the tidy onions. See you Jimmie, if you eat those raspberries before me.

And look who lives on our lawn. Two of them actually.

And finally, and this trumps all, we are to be grandparents; a little girl due in September. We are of course delighted. Genetically, my work is done. Genes passed on and then passed on again. Gregor Mendel, where are you now?

I never lets that hoe rest

'Tis the only way to keep things tidy. But even so, 'tis a constant struggle.

And this week we've had torrential rain and serious flooding again in Sheffield. Not quite as bad as 2007 but quite bad enough. Made watering the allotment a bit superfluous for a few days!

Anyway, how goes it with the plot?

Beans in (Runner & Climbing French). Kale and Sprouts in, Cucumber and knobby Italian Courgette in. Netting up for Morning Glory to scramble up (first time I've grown them). Bit of a show, what?

Blackberries look good. Potatoes look good, especially as I'm not growing any this year; these are all volunteers from where I didn't clear it out properly last year. Better a volunteer than a pressed man.

And finally, just to demonstrate that an allotment can be a thing of beauty as well as a list of vegetables (altho some of them are things of beauty too (look at this cabbage) here's a rose.

Sithee, as we say in Yorkshire.

Bolters

My Pak Choi are bolting.

Little bolters!

I've known them to bolt later in the season but never this early. Why?

See my Plums!!

Think we might be getting some plums this year.

Shouting at the tree during the winter ("Plums or you're out, matey") may have worked.

The Secret Garden, weeded

It was hard to get in,

and it was horrible once in.

But it's amazing what several cups of wheelbarrow tea

and a bit of strenuous weeding can do.

It's halfway presentable again. Let's hope the pigeons keep off.

An unscheduled interruption

Best laid plans etc

Today's plan was to have a quick blast around the Peak District on the scooter,

in the sunshine before it got too busy. Then I'd go to the allotment late morning for the rest of the day.

Good plan and it worked up to a point. But it hadn't reckoned with an almost-broken wire in a key part of the ignition system which, you guessed it, duly broke at point of maximum distance from home. Hey Ho. Dead engine.

A very good AA man sorted it out but the trouble with this scoot is that you have to more or less dismantle it before you can even see the engine. So it took a while. A good while. And completely scuppered any chance of getting to the allotment. Good job it's a bank holiday tomorrow.